I have been struggling with some questions today and here I see this post!! Always amazed at the timing of things. So my Questions.
1. When dealing with self-worth issues, why is it so hard to make the right choices and not go back to the old way of feeling?
2. How do I stick to my boundaries and not fold under pressure?
3. How do I let go of a toxic relationship when still love him? thank you
Amanda: When dealing with self-worth issues, why is it so hard to make the right choices and not go back to the old way of feeling?
Colleen-Joy: The main issue lies in what we mean when we say “self”. When the true self is known, self-worth issues fall away. When a false self is believed in, self-worth issues arise. It hurts to believe that we are separate little creatures fighting for scraps of love, peace and joy. It hurts because the true self is love, peace and joy. To esteem and find worth in the true self is the greatest of gifts. When the true self is known, this knowing bring such nourishment that no external nourishment is needed anymore. We no longer seek love when we know and see that we are love. Knowing the true self as whole, as awareness, as open awake love is finding home in the self as the self.
It is impossible to make “right” choices, if what you mean by right, is pain-free. The river doesn’t stop itself at the top of the hill to find the ‘right’ way down. It gathers strength and meets every obstacle with its flow. When we know the true self, we meet life’s obstacles with the strength and flow of the love, peace and joy that is who we are. Decisions are intuitive, spontaneous and made moment by moment from the perspective of love, peace and joy.
Feelings arise and fall in the true self as awareness. If we believe that we are separate selves, then it is most freeing to realize that we are not our feelings, they are in us, we are not in them. We are not our thoughts; they are in us. Feelings and thoughts arise as objects of awareness. This is commonly known as neti-neti-neti the path of negation. Awareness, the true self, is not trapped in an object, it is free of objects and the apparent limitation of the objects. Awareness, the true self is whole, needs nothing and is love, peace and joy.
Amanda: How do I stick to my boundaries and not fold under pressure?
Colleen-Joy: When we believe the thoughts that cause us suffering, we are at the mercy of the mind. Like a pendulum that must swing back one way, after swinging the other way, the mind tries to assert a position only to fold under pressure and find itself where it didn’t want to be. Try to not see the colour red. The more we try, the more red will dominate. This is the nature of the mind. As they say “What we resist persists”. Only the true self has the position of being equal to all opposites, seeing from the fulcrum where it is free of all apparent duality.
It can help to work on what we believe we need from the world or from others, and then to find that in ourselves. It can also help to really face our minds and not let thoughts convince us anymore – to test them for truth. It can help to find our wholeness, and know that we are equal to everything and everyone, needing nothing.
Amanda: How do I let go of a toxic relationship when still love him? thank you
Colleen-Joy: By handing back burdens in the mind-body that might be inherited from family patterns. And ultimately by finding the true self and falling in love with you. Love doesn’t need. When you find the true love of the self as the self, need falls away. This love can say no.